a few steps

i spent tonight writing my first zine and planning out how i am going to print it while being anonymous and needing assistance from a PA in printing it?…and how to make it accessible? and and and… anyways. i wrote this poem for my zine (i’m so freaking energized and inspired from the AMC! can’t wait to tell yall more about this zine and a video project i am planning…)

she takes one step forward
losing footing, another one back
that’s 14 fucking years of physical therapy
in those stupid little backward forward steps

hey girl, stop for a second
stand a moment
shift your weight around a bit
figure out which way you want to go, i’ll hold you

sometimes you have to lean on another person
or sit down
take a rest, it’s okay
the journey can be long for tired feet

remember that the journey can be adapted
a new plan can be created if you let it, one that can be liberating and free

life doesn’t always have to be about moving forward
making connections
achieving big goals, like climbing up those steps
life is standing still and a quest to find balance

maybe I did get something out of PT afterall


Filed under community, writing/poetry

9 responses to “a few steps

  1. Aaminah


    “life doesn’t always have to be about moving forward…
    …life is standing still and a quest to find balance”

    I am stunned.

    And I want to know how to purchase a copy of the zine when it’s ready. 🙂

  2. I really like the sentence about not always having to move forward. Sometimes it really is about just being where you are, looking around, taking it all in… appreciating it.

    Great poem. And thanks for the reminder.

    Good luck with the zine! Let me know how to get one when it’s complete!

  3. Love the poem – was it inspired by Norm Kunc’s article “The Stairs Don’t Go Anywhere”?

    I’m a bit confused as to what you mean by “how i am going to print it while being anonymous and needing assistance from a PA in printing it?” – do you need to be anonymous from your PAs? if so, why? The role of a PA should be to assist you with what you need assistance with, without passing judgement or passing information to anyone…

    Does it have to do with you not being out as queer to your family? (is that still the case?)

    Anyway, good luck with it – would love to read it when it’s produced… if you can either post one to the UK or host it online somewhere… 🙂

  4. You know, Sistah, your writing always moves me! Let me know when the zine comes out, and how to get my mitts on a copy!

  5. I am excited to see all of your projects move forward! I hope you have good luck with the printing/desire to be anonymous issue. I wonder if there’s an info-shop like feature in your area that could assist while still respecting your anonymity?

    Either way, I’m looking forward to these projects, I love that feeling after a conference where you do truly feel like you have an access to power – I’m glad that the AMC was able to help you find that!

  6. Jeremy G.

    I’ve been kind of learching around your blog for awhile and I really felt that this is when I should finally comment. First of all, your subject matter and your utter eloquence is amazing. I also appreciate your appreciation of the assamblage of your identity/identities. I’m a Jewish cripqueer with a (undiagnosed) chronic illness who lived through the fucked up shit of PT and surgies myself. I’m so glad i read this today, i really needed it. If you can, please email me. I’d like to chat with you sometime.

    Baruch Hashem-God Bless,

  7. NO

    I love this poem. love it.

  8. abookwithoutacover

    I agree with Aaminah, this line struck me at my core!

    “life doesn’t always have to be about moving forward…
    …life is standing still and a quest to find balance”

    I can’t wait to read (purchase) your zine. Let me know if I can help.

    Tons of love,


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