yes i live, eat, breathe,
talk, wear,
carry,
disability pride
because i believe resisting assimilation will be what saves my community
but shh—don’t tell anyone— i’m kinda making it up as i go, living pride literally by the seat of my pants
i never know where i’ll be,
each day is new
emotionally, spiritually
personally, politically
tomorrow will i be head over heels in love
with my community?
taping posters on my wall of crip allstars and shit?
(and yes we have heroes, thank you very much)
or will i hate my body?
wish i was taller, darker, lighter
skinner, straighter—a body without curves
and uneven movements?
will i fell defeated
cheated
or simply lost and confused?
you see there’s no telling…
that is the disability experience.
—
inspired by something sydette said about the woc experience
cripchick's weblog 
I love this.
I especially relate to “will i be head over heels in love with my community…or will i hate my body?”
And I’m making it up as I go, too. I won’t tell if you won’t ;).
Sister, don’t worry–I think that if we are honest with ourselves, we–especially the long-time disability activists will admit that sometimes the struggle gets hard. On minute, you’re all gung-ho, and the next minute you’re down on yourselk becuase your body won’t do what you want it to do. Or you’re feeling great and confident, and someone shoots you down with a cruel comment. It’s even worse if said comment comes from someone in your community. But, even with all that, there will be something that brings us through to continue the fight, and continue to feel good about ourselves.
I came to your blog through Bev’s at Asperger Square Eight. I really enjoyed the interview. I am inspired by you being a new poet. I like the line about ‘curves’ in this poem. I certainly feel pressured to have more of a stick figure and then I think,”Why?” Our culture is pretty screwed up with what is found to be attractive. Most men and women I know like women with curves anyway.
thanks marla! i had a lot of fun doing the interview, isn’t bev wonderful?
mhm yes dread, especially coming from the community/family. i’m hoping you’ll live blog or blog when yo u get back about the adapt 25th anniversary. i KNOW it’s going to be amazing and am sad i’m not going this time. at least i know adapt will be around for a 30th anniversary, 40th, 50…
tera, thanks. i’ve been enjoying reading your blog : )
I have just found your blog and I love this poem so much I’m subscribing. Thanks for doing it and I look forward to more!
Thanks for making me think and cry. That’s a beautiful poem. I especially like this sentence:
“i believe resisting assimilation will be what saves my community”
Resisting assimilation is a difficult life road. Resisting your own difference is sure death. Death of your soul. But also death of the community, which loses its quality and truthiness. Is there a better way to contribute to life than being honest, being real, being different than others and same as yourself?
I don’t know if disabled persons have a chance to choose between assimilation and resisting assimilation, because they are physically different, they HAVE to develop their difference, which is a curse and a great gift.
I hate my body, I hate society, I love myself, I love my difference and I fuck society as long as I can.
Pingback: The Disability Experience - poem by cripchick’s weblog | Ina Mar "Art and The Earth" Blog